Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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