some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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