Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
