I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
