so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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