Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
