my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
