Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this just has baby written all over it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
