tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
