There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
