Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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