I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize