I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
high people should be assigned attendants
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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