Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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