the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
