i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
