sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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