And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
