I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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