somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Everything about him screamed your future.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
