giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
