When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
