She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
zippers are such a cool invention
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
