That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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