so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
