if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
