I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize