remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
