They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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