he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize