Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
