a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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