I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
