I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize