Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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