He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I want is dick and wine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
