i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
