He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
