Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
