She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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