Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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