Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
