People with herpes should wear stickers.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
