I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
