i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize