His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We got so high we made milksteak
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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