So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
