Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This house was built for laser tag.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
