Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
