I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
