Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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