First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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