She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
