i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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