you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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