i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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