I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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