he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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