I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
