I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
