I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
