I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
