coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
