did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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