I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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