More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
