my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
