If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
