Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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