I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
