Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
